No Appetite For These Apps:

The Useless Apps That You Really Don't Need

Apps. Don't they seem like the cornerstone of convenience; the essence of phone technology? Well, not all apps are as functional as others.

You know those time when you're bored at the office and you pick up your stapler, aim, and fire at, well, the air? Suddenly your office becomes Call of Duty and occupies your time for at least half an hour. You get to work on your target practice and de-jam your stapler at the same time. Classic. If you were browsing through the app store on your smart phone and happened to come across the SimStapler app, just know it's nothing like that. The app is simply a virtual stapler you press down on and release. That's it. They take a staple of the office (pun intended) and simplify it into a push-me type game. Bor-ing!

Gosh, thinking of things to say in a text message is hard work. I mean, first you've got to think of what to initially say and then you have to think of a witty reply. Worry no more because with the Yo app you'll never have to think of any other words to say or even hold a substantial conversation again. The app sends a message that merely reads yo to other users. That all sounds fine and dandy until you realize that is literally all you can say with the app. Pesky words! Who needs them when you've got yo, the one syllable gem of the English dictionary. (Yes, yo is in the dictionary. I checked).

Have you ever almost drop your expensive smart phone on the cement, but pulled an amazing Spiderman-like move and caught it midair? Every smart phone user is familiar with the colossal sigh of relief that immediately follows that crippling panic. Now, imagine throwing your phone as high in the air as you can for sport. Send Me To Heaven or SMTH is an app that monitors how high you can throw your phone. I think the name of the app is more of a subliminal warning rather than a catchy title. If you drop that phone, it is definitely going straight to phone heaven. Murder.

Another app that ruthlessly takes the life of your phone it Heater. Cold hands are THE WORST. My initial response to chilly fingers would be to rub my hands together, tuck them in my pockets, are breathe hot air on them... not use my phone. Heater is an app that turns on the heat in order to warm you right up. I know convenience is everything people, but all this app does is fry your CPU, subsequently destroying your phone. Go out and buy some mittens. Trust me, it's much more affordable than a new smart phone.

These last two apps are similar in design and are equally useless. IBeer and Virtual Cigarette Smoking. Bad habits die hard... but live on through the app store? IBeer is a simulated beer glass that you hold against your mouth and pretend to drink. Virtual Cigarette Smoking is pretty self explanatory. There's no real tobacco or no real beer . The only thing that's real about these apps is how ridiculous you'll look sucking on your iPhone.

So, next time you think your app idea is too silly to develop, think again. People love that they can do virtually anything with the tap of a finger.

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